o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize