did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
