he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
