Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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