I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
