your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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