youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
