escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
