got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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