what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
