Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
