just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
