I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
