I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
