I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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