I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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