my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
