Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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