Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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