My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
