Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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