How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
