He is such a slut. More and more my type.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
