just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
smell my finger.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
