I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize