i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
