I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize