he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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