You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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