We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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