I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dick very happy bro
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
