And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
