he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
