I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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