your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
