Farmville is her only friend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
