Redeem this text for a blowjob
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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