At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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