i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You smell like stripper and shame
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
