you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
