This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they're like a gay fantastic four
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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