have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
