I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
