It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
