just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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