My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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