I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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