Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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