I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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