you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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