who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
