I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
