I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
