I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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