I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
