He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
