I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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