Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
