i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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