don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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