Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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