Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
