This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
