Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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