i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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