im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What a dumb baby whore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
