I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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